I’ve always considered myself a person who lived a drama-free life; no fights with other girls over men, no major arguments at work, and haven’t had the threat of a fight since I was in high school. However, I am dead wrong, and some of my friends can attest to this fact. I have found that I put myself in difficult situations (relationships) that, in the end, always end dramatically. My mom and my friends are always like, “Why are you putting up with that?” I don’t know. I date complex, sometimes difficult, men. Maybe it’s the challenge that allows my competitive spirit to thrive. I think a good amount of us don’t like the run of the mill. I like peace, just not all the time, but certainly more than most people I know.

Over time I’ve learned that drama is my thing, at times, but conflict isn’t. It’s funny when I sit around and watch people look for drama and the conflict. The “Did she just throw the menu down on the table like that?” or “Does he just have us waiting here to be smart?” Poor little customer service rep then gets hit with all types of attitude, and maybe an altercation, depending on how aggressively they react. Cedric the Entertainer’s set on Kings of Comedyaccurately depicts the “I wish a n*gga would” attitude many people have. We tend to live in this state of aggression, be it due to the atmosphere in our households, or in our neighborhoods. The constant state of paranoia that someone is trying to “get over” on us, or play us for a dummy, plagues our interaction with people every day. One wrong move could force the use of choice words and flying fists. Some people never realize that their need for drama is from learned behavior of improper conflict resolution, or the perpetuation of their own insecurities. If that other person is skinnier, wealthier or better looking, then they must have an heir of cockiness; and the other person then feels it’s their job to bring them back to reality with a smack. Even in relationships, people look for any little thing to blow-up about, because things are going “too right.” They need to either see, or prove to themselves, that their significant other truly loves them by putting them through a roller coaster of emotions. Things are too boring and their need for speed needs to be jolted with an explosive argument. The ability to just be in love is no longer the norm.

Sometimes the contrived drama is used to mask the inability to love properly. Accepting love, and whole-heartedly loving someone and being vulnerable with them, causes people to act crazy. They take that same learned behavior and apply it to their relationship, magnifying all the insecurities they have about themselves and their partner. Then the arguments ensue, keeping the relationship unbalanced and giving the power to the aggressor. People who feed off of drama attempt to control their environment by creating an uncontrollable environment. Some drama queens and kings can be more calculating than others. I’ve seen friends chuckle at the fact that they made their mate go crazy over something they did. I’ve seen ex-boyfriends amused by the agony they caused with their reckless behavior. It became a game. Of course the relationship didn’t last, because a healthy relationship needs stability. No one wants to come home to a bickering man or woman complaining about an unreturned phone call, when there are other life stressors. So, the roller coaster ride eventually comes to an end.

Over the years, I’ve seen my own fascination with drama dissipate, much like some of the drama kings and queens in my life. As you mature, you want to have a loving relationship without all the up and downs. You learn to embrace the love some bestows on you. You learn to not nitpick at everything to stir up a disagreement. You learn to look past a stranger’s faults and not instigate a fight. Those small things don’t matter when you are looking at the bigger picture of peace, love and happiness.