I’m going to try to write this blog without seeming like I’m coming down on men because it’s not all men but it’s a growing trend and something has got to give. I’ve always stared in an amazement when a man I was dating grabbed something for himself before he offered me anything. Or the ever so famous walk ahead of you like you’re supposed to follow like an obedient dog. My eyes have glared in the back of an ex-boyfriend’s head as he scarfed down a plate of food and then his eyes would get big at the afterthought of me and I would get a “My bad”. It made me think that either he was raised by savages or no one at all.
It’s unfortunate that decent men haven’t been in the households to raise their boys to be gentlemen and those little boys have had to rely on the drug dealers or the “pseudo-pimps” on the corner to teach them about men and women relationships. However I’ve encountered these mannerisms from the men who were raised with silverspoons in their mouths and middle class backgrounds as well. My friend blames the mothers. She says women are raising their sons to be selfish, narcissistic individuals which are crippling their interactions with other women. They don’t hold them accountable for anything and spoil them rotten by waiting on them. I was perplexed by that notion because wouldn’t a woman want to raise a son to be the man she would want to marry or date. A gentleman, who has no problem opening the door, carrying the heavy bag, or walking on the outside of the curb to protect her. Then my friend said a lot of women are also products of their environment and don’t set those standards for their sons or their mates. So then we are left with men whose social etiquettes towards a woman are non-existent.
I have been chastised by my significant others for having my expectations too high. One would call me old-fashion, but I do expect a man to offer to get my car washed if he sees it’s dirty. Yes, I expect a man to move whatever is on his front car seat so I can sit down before I have to ask. The simple things like consideration, sharing, and being kind I feel are lost by the men our age. Those were some of the very first characteristics we learned in kindergarten. I know I’m not lowering my expectations because I’m a lady and hope most women start demanding a certain level of gentleness and respect as well. The only gentleness I ‘ve seen some of these men have to concede to is the birth of a daughter. Some of these men are then forced to melt away that hard exterior and tackle the emotional interactions with their daughters. Making it the first time they have had to be considerate of a woman’s feelings before their own. Treating her like a lady is the only way to raise a lady.
Regardless of whether a man has had a daughter or not, that learning process of being a gentleman is not something that should be frowned upon. Men wanting a lady but aren’t willing to treat her like one doesn’t add up. Eventually the baby boys of America will grow up and realize that being a considerate person doesn’t make you a weak person. It sets the framework for a healthy relationship. The sooner people start to realize this, demand it, and implement it I think the better off our community will become.