It’s Not Them, It’s You…

It’s Not Them, It’s You……

May 26th

Every time I feel myself obsessing about someone or something, I pause. My unease is usually coming from somewhere within myself rather than the situation that has me bound. It took years to realize because I was dedicated in placing my focus on my obsession at the moment. We are so blinded about our own insecurities and fears that we cast our inner anguish on anyone or thing. It took time for me to take whole of that anguish and analyze what the root of the problem really was. Once I was able to do that, and for me it’s usually my ego, I put it in check. I listened to the signs that were blatantly being shown to me, but I chose to ignore. If something wasn’t for me, then I had to learn to let it go, whether it is a relationship, a job, or a memory.  Memories can often hold us hostage. We clinch to a few good memories and ignore the others that say, “Run, girl”.  It could be a memory of our youth that we can’t mature from, a memory of a once good relationship, or a memory of a moment in our life which hinders our evolution.

A friend of mine is currently battling with himself. His world around him is crumbling; his relationship is a mess. However, all he can do is focus on a new girl who can’t even hold a torch to his current partner. The fling causes him drama and more headaches than it’s worth. (i.e. twitter stalking, arguments, etc.) Still, he finds more solace in this fling than he finds in his household; instead of working to make his relationship better, he chooses to use other escapisms. He claims the young girl gives him excitement from his monotonous life. Him not dealing with the issues at home has to do with him, but the fear and hard work deter him from addressing them.  I told him to pause and to stop chasing empty obsessions because it will never truly fulfill him. It would fade and he would end up emptier in the end, finding himself down a spiraling staircase.

Emptiness and the need to fill that void we are scared to confront can lead to a lot of problems.  The issues are usually not them, but us. The courage to realize that is beyond priceless. Nothing should have that much power over your emotions. You need to be in control of you.

-Take a moment, sit, and breathe for 5 minutes.

-Think about what you are obsessing about and ask yourself, “Is it you or them?”

-Then be honest with yourself about what issue is and take control of it.

-Stop stalking on facebook, twitter, your phone, etc. Stop crying over a rejection or an empty situation. Take the necessary steps to detach yourself from the obsession.


Bring Your Own Sunshine….

Bring your own Sunshine….

 May 25th

My mom called me her “little sunshine”, because no matter what was going on I always arrived with a smile on my face. Being optimistic has always gotten me through the storm; always knowing if there is an end, there will be a beginning; if there is a down, there will always be an up. Life is cyclical and change is inevitable.

I once dated a guy who hardly ever smiled. His stern face was his armor against the world. To him, it showed strength not weakness. However when he smiled, it was beautiful and it showed a warm loving side of him. Not smiling is not a sign of strength, but more of a sign of fear-a fear of love and a fear of pain. Let no one in and I won’t get hurt. You’ll see tons of young women and men who don’t want to smile because of the same reason. Especially if you come from a hostile community, a person walking down the street smiling means easy prey. So, many young people are scared to be happy; their sunshine masked by pseudo-clouds. Then those young people turn into adults, who believe that the clouds are forever present because they’ve been living with them for so long. Pessimism has prevailed and whatever sunshine in their lives is now considered phony and short-lived.

Being happy is one of life’s pursuits that should not be shunned because of the fear of feeling. We will all go through good and go through bad, but light will always be victorious over darkness. Your sunshine is yours and it is to be basked in.

-Wherever you are, look to the sky. Is it cloudy? How long do those clouds last before the sun comes back to make the day brighter?

-Is it nighttime? How beautiful are the stars and moon compared to the darkness of the night?

-When you feel unhappy, think about whatever/whomever your sunshine maybe. Is it your family, your home, your child, your spouse, yourself? Take a few moments and reflect on when your sunshine made you smile.

Speak Over Yourself…..

May 24th

“Sometimes you have to speak the word over yourself…”

-Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers

I’m not a huge secular music fan but when I heard this song Encourage Yourself, by Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers, in a church I was attending, it struck a chord. We go through so many trial and tribulations in every day life we lose faith in our dreams and ourselves. We lose our way. The thought of getting up and having to fight makes us depressed and sad.  The will to win is buried under our burdens.

Currently, I have a friend who has had an unexpected pregnancy occur. Her dreams of becoming a doctor is temporarily put on the back burner so she can provide for her child. The father is semi-supportive, and the only person she can really depend on is herself. At the end of the day, it is up to you. You are your own strength during tough times of turmoil. Your vision may be blurred, but your endurance will not be tainted. Get out from under the covers and look in the mirror! A new day is upon you and opportunities await. Life changes in an instant, but you have to believe in yourself before anyone else does. So speak over yourself and your dreams will begin to speak back to you.

-Take some time and write down 5 things you see for your future.

-Pick two that will be achieved this year. Repeat to yourself those goals and begin to envision yourself achieving them.

-Think of someone you know who survived great anguish. Write their name down.

-Now think of their journey and then believe that your pain will heal also.

To hear the song:

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