It’s Not Them, It’s You…

It’s Not Them, It’s You……

May 26th

Every time I feel myself obsessing about someone or something, I pause. My unease is usually coming from somewhere within myself rather than the situation that has me bound. It took years to realize because I was dedicated in placing my focus on my obsession at the moment. We are so blinded about our own insecurities and fears that we cast our inner anguish on anyone or thing. It took time for me to take whole of that anguish and analyze what the root of the problem really was. Once I was able to do that, and for me it’s usually my ego, I put it in check. I listened to the signs that were blatantly being shown to me, but I chose to ignore. If something wasn’t for me, then I had to learn to let it go, whether it is a relationship, a job, or a memory.  Memories can often hold us hostage. We clinch to a few good memories and ignore the others that say, “Run, girl”.  It could be a memory of our youth that we can’t mature from, a memory of a once good relationship, or a memory of a moment in our life which hinders our evolution.

A friend of mine is currently battling with himself. His world around him is crumbling; his relationship is a mess. However, all he can do is focus on a new girl who can’t even hold a torch to his current partner. The fling causes him drama and more headaches than it’s worth. (i.e. twitter stalking, arguments, etc.) Still, he finds more solace in this fling than he finds in his household; instead of working to make his relationship better, he chooses to use other escapisms. He claims the young girl gives him excitement from his monotonous life. Him not dealing with the issues at home has to do with him, but the fear and hard work deter him from addressing them.  I told him to pause and to stop chasing empty obsessions because it will never truly fulfill him. It would fade and he would end up emptier in the end, finding himself down a spiraling staircase.

Emptiness and the need to fill that void we are scared to confront can lead to a lot of problems.  The issues are usually not them, but us. The courage to realize that is beyond priceless. Nothing should have that much power over your emotions. You need to be in control of you.

-Take a moment, sit, and breathe for 5 minutes.

-Think about what you are obsessing about and ask yourself, “Is it you or them?”

-Then be honest with yourself about what issue is and take control of it.

-Stop stalking on facebook, twitter, your phone, etc. Stop crying over a rejection or an empty situation. Take the necessary steps to detach yourself from the obsession.

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