Your family loves you, your friends love you, your child loves you, God loves you, but it doesn’t seem like “he” does; and because he doesn’t love you like you love him, then nothing else seems to matter. Right now my girlfriend is coming to grips with the fact that the man she loved so dearly is not the man she thought he was.  It hurts so much and she can’t get pass the love she has for him. In her head, he was the one. Even after all the deceit and lies, it’s hard for her to see that she can love someone else, eventually. No matter what her family and friends say, she can’t wrap her head around moving on.

Listening to the endless stories made me tell her that it wasn’t about him anymore, but now it was about her and her self-esteem. Her mom loved her. She seemed to have a great relationship with her father. She is beautiful, smart, and charming. I couldn’t place my finger on what was the void that this loser was able to tap into. Why is it that she couldn’t find enough love from everyone around her, who has been supportive; or love within herself to move on? How much more love did she need? He had clearly shown her that he was worthless. The only thing I came up with is the love she had for herself had been damaged. It could have been from failed relationships in the past that made her feel that she was unsuccessful in that part of her life. Loving yourself doesn’t allow you to be the victim in abusive relationships, because you know that you deserve better. Even if it hurts to leave, you leave because your inner love doesn’t allow you to be content with bad treatment. I know it is easier said than done, but I’ve been there and know how little nonsense I tolerated when my self-esteem was at its highest. I could differentiate the fiction from reality. I knew what I believed, and I knew what I deserved, and no one could manipulate that with words and emotions. However, when it was at its lowest, I clung onto any little truth, in hopes that it would change the existence of the lies.

Far too many women suffer from a lack of inner love, or not knowing how to be properly loved by a man. It could be a bad relationship with their dad or growing up in a destructive household that didn’t promote young women to be confident in their thoughts and actions; then some jerk comes along and makes them think that their self-worth is wrapped up in loving him. Everyone wants a partner to love them, but we have to love ourselves first to accept the right type of love. We all know in our gut when a person isn’t loving us the way we want to be loved. However, we try to defy the reality of the situation. People don’t lie to themselves. What you feel in your gut is what it is. Wanting to believe differently manipulates the facts. I hope we all try to work on ourselves everyday to improve on our inner confidence.

Everyday I see little girls, who want to be accepted by a guy, become prey to his desires and not her own. Those types of self-esteem issues start at home. Daughters need to be exalted and encouraged to be strong-willed and undaunted. That confidence is reassured even more when it is coming from her father or a male figure. I always tell my male friends to treat their daughters like princesses and be good to her mother, whatever the circumstances. Be their first valentine, because you set the standard for other men to follow. Even if she meets a jerk that breaks her heart and takes her for a loop, that too shall pass. Her confidence will eventually rest assure on that fact that her dad and family love and cherish her opinions, her beauty, and her heart. The love you instill in her will continue to grow as she ages. And at the end of the day, no matter the situation, he will be able to say, “I’m alright.”